Mary Murdock

The textbooks for the LIS program arrived yesterday so I spent a good portion of today going through them and getting started on the reading. This makes me think of Mary. I remember when I started working on my masters project for Creative Studies she spent a good portion of the first class meeting telling us a good way to approach textbooks which is to just jump in; start at the back, skim the index, table of contents and appendixes, look at the illustrations and tables and take the time to get to know the book. I've done this every time I pick up a new book ever since, and not just textbooks either. In fact this was one reason why I was hesitant to start reading e-books but I am happy to report that you not only can do the same thing with an e-book, but it's just as much, if not more, fun than doing so with paper books.

Mary also passed to me a love of learning for its own sake and an appreciation for knowing where information comes from. As I start a new phase of my life, one in which I actually have a clear direction which is a novelty for me, I can't help but think of Mary and how she helped me lay the foundations for this to be possible. Probably the most important but of advice was when she told me it's perfectly ok to tell people no and to ask them to please not interfere, politely of course! She gave me "permission" to be myself and forge my own, unique path and I will always be so grateful for that. Sometimes we need to be told these things.

The Creative Studies degree helped me figure out who I am and gave me a community in which to BE who I am in my adult life. Mom and Mary passing away within months of each other had a pretty significant influence on me, to lose your Mother and Mentor in one swoop is pretty hard to take, although Mary did help me when Mom died by writing and reminding me that I get to grieve in my own way. I knew she was nearing the end at that point, but I had no idea that she was so close to passing herself. In a way by dying Mom and Mary taught me how to live.

My new program starts on Tuesday and I start it in the context of a whole new life. An awful lot of the artifacts of my past are now gone but that's ok; the things it occurred to me to take with me are what I need which isn't a lot. So this is a fresh start for me in a pretty major way. Some of those things I miss, but you know what, if they're supposed to be in my life they'll find a way back to me. I needed to move on in order to live again in this new world where Mary is a calm, quiet presence in my life with fabulous curls and blue nail polish telling me to go for it. To go forward especially now that there is a lot less holding me back. That I can DO THIS because I had an amazing teacher, a lot of them actually but right now Mary's the one in my head, who gave me the tools I need so that I can make my own.

Right now I'm also thinking of her advice to always have at least one editor because I do tend to ramble and use too many commas. Plus I'm a fabulous procrastinator although what I'm putting off at the moment is housework (laundry) and not homework because blogging right now is helping me process what I read earlier today. Besides, as in research topics and projects, there are no time limits on laundry as it will be there later.

So the past is done, I've taken what I needed and left the rest in a physical and emotional sense. It was not easy but anything worthwhile is. The transition time is coming to an end and it is now time to embrace the changes it brought me. I am really looking forward to starting this new program and I love the novelty of a direction! I actually have something I can build on, which is so great I can't even describe it! For the first time in a long time I don't feel lost and that is so cool. It's a hoot!